Aliens
by Warfang
Summary: When Aliens invade Earth, how do Mikado, Anri, and Masaomi combat against them? Well, not all stories have heroes, especially how you expect heroes. WARNING- ends with IzayaMikadoMasaomi


I do not own Durarara!

This has some creative license taken to it. Note that the rating is M. Izaya basically….and Mikado…..and Kida….and well, just read if you want to find out. But yeah, IzayaMikadoKida. And no, there is no tentacle rape here. And while Izaya was originally just for mind games…well, that ended in the last few lines.

On with the story!

Mikado sighed, staring out the window. Wednesdays had to be the most boring day of the week. If the day had any characteristics, it would be 'middlesome'. Mikado wished that homeroom would start already.

Several Dollars had posted last night and early this morning that they had had some very horrible dreams, and Mikado told them to go underground, literally.

Crazier things had happened, and he had met a Dullahan. Thinking about what the psychics were so worried about to have it interrupt his school day wasn't something new to Mikado.

Kida Masaomi flew into the classroom. Well, he ripped the door open, yelled something about a fire (as the alarm started going off) and grabbed Mikado. This was new.

"What is going on Masaomi?"

"Talk later, and don't panic." Kida was flat out running while the other students were still lining up. "One of the Yellow Scarves texted me. He said to get into the water, now."

Mikado wondered why in the world Kida would start a fire when he wanted an excuse to get into the pool.

KER-SPLASH!

Correction- why start a fire when he was going to throw Mikado into the pool. Mikado blurbed and hoped his cell wasn't damaged as he surfaced. Just in time for Masaomi to jump in too.

"Kida, what is wrong?"

"Quiet, and lay low. And most of all don't scream." Kida had the serious adult look on his face. Mikado stared at him, and then a scream came from the direction of the building. There were- well, it looked like flying snakes.

And they were lifting the students into the air. Mikado opened his mouth, and then reached for his cell phone.

"What are you doing?" Kida hissed at him.

"I'm posting a picture on the Dollars website. This can't be happening just at school." Mikado hissed back. Thank Kami, the cell phone still worked. He's forgotten about the plastic wrap from breakfast being in his pocket, so the phone was mostly protected.

Mikado snapped a picture and posted it on the Dollars website. Most of the students were already being carried away- was that a space ship?

Mikado swallowed. Hacking into the Dollars website, he brought everyone's attention to what was happening at Raira Academy, and prayed no one realized where the pictures were being taken.

Soon, any Dollar that hadn't been snatched by the tentacles (not what Mikado described them as) was helping get people away from windows and be quiet. That, or play really loud music that seemed to confuse the flying snakes.

People were being evacuated, but every now and then a snake would brush against someone, coil around them, and carry them off to the ship. The places where the Dollars weren't working were being covered by the Yellow Scarves and a few Blue Squares.

Mikado sighed. A common enemy they could actually fight and most of the city was in too much of a panic to see it happen.

Anri-chan came puffing up to them. She flipped open her cell.

[They got Aoba-kun.]

Mikado nearly slapped himself when Kida stopped him.

[Great. Now who leads the BS?]

[Mikado-kun, would they listen to you?]

[Maybe. But I'm busy helping the Dollars. Let me get Dota- I mean, Kadota]

[What? He's now in the Dollars too?]

[Masaomi…]

[Sorry, sorry. Hey, talking on cell phones, anyone try Celty-san yet?]

Mikado and Anri-chan shook their heads.

[..I'm signing into the internet. See what comes up]

Masaomi skipped under the street and came up in a cyber café. Once inside, he checked that the snakes couldn't hear him over the noise, and logged in. The computer was muted, but still, he wasn't a very quiet typist.

Bakyura-san [Anyone on?]

Kanra-chan [Haven't you seen the NEWS?]

Bakyura-san [I'm actually just checking for Celty-san…oh yeah, Aliens scare her.]

Kanra-chan [Exactly. What's going on at your end?]

Bakyura-san [Go die.]

Kanra-chan [C'mon, not even a hint?]

Kanra-chan [Who am I going to sell it to anyways? Most of the people have been stolen. Ah, the humans I love, and in their hour of need, I can't help]

Bakyura-san [Like you would want to]

Bakyura-san has logged out

Kanra-chan [But I do!]

Kanra-chan [ Great]

Kanra-chan has logged out

Masaomi ducked back over, typing to Mikado and Anri-chan that [Celty is scared of aliens. Scratch one transporter]

He arrived in time to find the military helping to move people to organized, underground bunkers with fresh water.

Mikado snuck over to him. "It's like this the world over. Some people are actually hiding inside of tombs."

"You want to hide in the military?"

"Not really. I can't get a signal if I go with them. And if they get my cell phone…."

Masaomi nodded.

The two of them texted Anri-chan, and then slipped back out to the surface. They found quite a few stragglers, and some people who were hoarse from screaming so much.

"This is almost like a zombie apocalypse." Kida muttered, after directing the fifteenth person they had found, a mother of three infants, to the shelter. Well, one was a toddler and walking, but the mother still had a feral look in her eyes.

Masaomi kept his pick-up lines to himself.

In fact, all that testified to the attack was the lack of people, some broken windows, and the noise drifting over the city from a few loudspeakers. The snakes were clustered around the loudspeakers, writhing in midair, trying to find where the source was coming from.

Masaomi found some spilled rice and a container. He put some rice in the container, along with his cell phone. Then he told Masaomi that the rice would draw the moisture from the cell phone.

"But if I want to keep the battery, I have to get the charger from my place. Are you up for that?"

Masaomi nodded. There were no trains moving, and both cars and bicycles were abandoned on the road side. They carefully skirted the snakes and directed more people to the shelters.

Once the battery charger, a change of clothes, and some money were stored in his bag, Mikado followed Masaomi out of there. There was a snatching right in front of them down the road.

Masaomi grabbed Mikado and dragged him away. If they tried to help, they would just be taken as well. They weren't Anri-chan, who had tried to cut them and found out that only made two shorter flying snakes.

True, the snakes were highly confused and crashed into the other tentacles, but they weren't going to stick around and find out what happened next.

Masaomi dragged Mikado away and found themselves at Russia Sushi. The place looked demolish.

….That didn't make sense. Everywhere else looked like an evacuation, but Russia Sushi looked like a bomb had exploded.

Carefully, they picked their way inside. Simon was on the ground, bleeding. Rushing about, Mikado actually called for an ambulance and nearly shrieked when someone answered. There was a human on the other end.

After quickly explaining where they were and what the injuries were, the ambulance arrived. No sirens, and quietly as possible, the coming to Simon was lifted to the ambulance. A few stitches and three hours later, Simon was back at Russia Sushi.

"Some people have decided to stay. You two could stay here. Plenty of ways to escape. Food and shelter."

Masaomi and Mikado nodded.

* * *

><p>It had been three months. Teachers had set up a black board and continued class underground, and there were still stories about snatchings. The spaceships obscured the stars at night, and were faintly seen at day. The military estimated eighteen of them.<p>

They couldn't shoot them down with civilians on board, but people who were taken posted parts of what was happening on the forums, and then a mathematician pointed out something had to be knocking the signal out, or taking the cell phone away.

The posts were always cut off at approximately the same time, with only a lapse of two minutes difference.

The world continued on. Military and stragglers made their way to Russia Sushi, and after paying, moved on.

People who knew they would be snatched tried to shoot the flying snakes, but so far, nothing worked.

The Leader of Dollars was becoming an international sensation, telling other Ikebukurians about the changes, and curfews, and windows being replaced that happened in the town.

He was most known for 'this town is so empty without you. I wish the aliens would return them and leave.'

So far, other politicians noted that the ideal society of freedom could only exist in the internet where it didn't have to provide health benefits and lodgings.

The Dollar leader ignored them.

However, any knock-off website that was started up was shut down almost as fast. The Dollar leader pointed out that personal information was not to be traded on the internet. Ever.

Especially since the flying snakes seemed to be getting smarter.

* * *

><p>Out of the six point eight billion people estimated to be on Earth, only one point five billion remained.<p>

Orihara Izaya, they found out, was one of those one point five billion. Shizuo-san was stolen, spirited away to the sky. His brother was currently getting drunk at the bar. To think that there was only a four hour difference between the two.

Masaomi scowled at Izaya. Mikado had more or less turned into a teddy bear on Kasuka's lap, trying to counsel the grief stricken younger brother.

Still not working.

"Look, it was get hit by a vending machine, duck, or run into the tentacles. I ducked. The snakes found Shizu-chan, and what was I supposed to do? The Fortissimo of Ikebukuro will probably force the aliens to land."

Masaomi glared harder.

"….can I have my sushi order while it's still fresh?"

"No. You made Mikado worry about Shizuo-san. You can have this after the flavor's gone. Be glad I didn't stuff it with wasabi." Masaomi wished he could slam the tray down and storm off, but that would attract the tentacles.

Simon came in and escorted Kasuka to bed, saying that he would sit up and make sure he was okay. There wasn't much they could do to close up shop, so Mikado put up a caution sign outside.

Stragglers and Military couldn't exactly keep normal office hours.

Coming back in, he heard Izaya-san talking about Namie-san and her brother Seiji, and how the would-be Celty's head were possibly all kidnapped by the aliens.

"I mean, I walk into my office to find the window smashed and she was missing! I left to try and follow, and nearly got nabbed by some bright pink flying snake."

Mikado thought back to when they first found Orihara-san. He had been throwing knives and dodging a multitude of tentacles. Throwing caution to the wind, Mikado had yelled out for 'Izaya-san!'

Masaomi would strangle him later for nearly getting all of them captured. As it turned out, Kasuka did do his own stunts, and had no trouble helping them lose the flying snakes and hide. Now they were all hiding in Russia Sushi.

Mikado fetched another hot glass of tea and headed over to Izaya-san. "Here you go-whoop!"

Izaya-san had pulled him into the booth, and onto his lap. His head buried itself into Mikado's neck.

"I've missed you. I log onto the chat room and you never do. I thought you were gone."

"I was with Masaomi. He's been taking care of me. Ack! Don't spill the tea, it's hot!" Izaya shifted, and turned Mikado around so that they were both sitting facing the table. Mikado was so glad that he had found another small male sushi worker outfit, because this was uncomfortable.

It wasn't that he didn't like Izaya-san, oh no, he hated him, but sitting in another guy's lap!

Mikado shifted to get out. "Izaya-san, let go." Mikado kept his voice low, not wanting to attract attention. In fact, it was rare to even speak in an indoor voice. Everyone just whispered.

"I like having you here. Right where I want you." Mikado stiffened as he felt what had to be teeth grazing along the shell of his ear before Izaya drew back.

PAFF! Masaomi set the pillow down. "Next one hits you in the face, pervert. C'mon, Mikado." Even though pillows were usually soft, Izaya-san decided getting hit over the head with one made for wear and tear still hurt. Mikado scrambled out his seat and nearly tripped into Masaomi's arms.

"Ah! Sorry!" blushing, Mikado ran to the employee's room to hide.

"If I could get away with murder…." Masaomi ground out threateningly at Izaya-san, "I would qualify that as grounds to do so."

Then he stormed off to follow Mikado.

"Sure, Masaomi-kun, sure." Izaya called after him. Then he flipped Mikado's cell phone open.

"Let's see here…"

* * *

><p>The second wave was brutal. It started roughly thirteen hours after Izaya-san claimed to have hit Mikado's cell phone with his foot under the table, and returned it to him. Then the informant headed out.<p>

Mikado sighed. "Even in all of this, he's still messing with people."

Masaomi nodded. "What were we going to do? Tie him up and throw him at the tentacles?"

His cell phone vibrated. Reaching in, Masaomi informed Mikado that Anri-chan had discovered that the cell phone towers were being taken out and satellite beamed calls were being blocked. The only information being relayed was through Saika's children.

Anri-chan suggested that someone had just sold them out. She was stretched to the limit, and couldn't keep in contact with any of her children outside of Japan.

"Text back and tell her to try relaying information. They need to be ready to seal off passages, duck!" Mikado grabbed Masaomi and dragged him under the counter. A flying snake had entered the shop.

Mikado had trouble breathing. Masaomi typed furiously, and hit send. Then he crawled over and locked the door leading to Simon and Kasuka. Following Masaomi, Mikado crawled after him and they headed outside.

There was no sense trying to avoid the tentacles in an enclosed space. Once outside, Mikado received a text form Simon, that he and Kasuka had successfully escaped, and that Russia Sushi was now a 'known location'.

They ran for it.

In thirteen hours, there wasn't a safe place to stay. Masaomi carried Mikado into a subway entrance and barricaded the door to the men's restroom. There were reports of only a few hundred humans left on the planet now.

Taking off the sandals, Masaomi gently wrapped Mikado's foot. If he hadn't sprained it, they would have been in the chaos of the tentacles breaking into the shelter. Anri-chan had sent a hurried text of [Later].

They were still waiting for the text.

Masaomi got Mikado comfortable, and sent him to sleep. He stayed awake.

On a whim, he text Celty-san, and there was no response.

"Geez, this is like a bad horror movie. Where's the happy ending the survivors get?" Masaomi thunked his head against the wall. He immediately stilled at how loud it was.

Then, he crawled next to Mikado and went to sleep.

* * *

><p>Mikado woke up, and trying not to disturb Masaomi, texted on his cell to Anri-chan. She didn't answer. He tried Kadota-san. Then Erika-san. Next was Walker-san. He risked Togusa-san not driving and texted him too.<p>

He posted on the Dollars website, and no one responded. The last post was eight hours old. Checking the time, Mikado realized that they had been asleep for eight hours. They were probably two of a handful of humans left. In this whole world of beliefs and practices, it was aliens that brought about the end of humanity.

That must annoy a lot of religious people. Well, Orihara-san wasn't religious, so he probably found this hilarious, and an acceptance of the weird and unusual was the best way to deal with the aliens. Not denial or panicking, which led to the success of the first few kidnappings.

Out of habit, Mikado logged onto his private chat room.

Tanaka Taro-san has logged on.

Tanaka Taro-san [Hello. Anyone on?]

Kanra-chan [You're here! How've you been?]

Tanaka Taro-san [I've been asleep. You?]

Kanra-chan [Walking around the city. Trying to find someplace safe. People are getting snatched on the surface, and most of the electricity has died, so there's no noise to confuse the aliens.]

Tanaka Taro-san [I see]

Tanaka Taro-san [Are you okay?]

Kanra-chan [Wow, you are polite, and yes, I'm okay. I'm hungry and cold, but okay.]

Tanaka Taro-san [Cold?]

Kanra-chan [Winter's coming. It's been three months, so it's fall already. Summer came and went. Everyone's too panicked to notice the sweltering heat, but then again, it was really empty]

Private Message from Kanra-chan [Where are you?]

PM Reply [In a bathroom. Trying not to wake up Masaomi]

PM Reply [ Where?]

PM Reply [An Underground Train bathroom. Didn't you know that all of the safe spots have been hit?]

PM Reply [No.]

PM Reply [About a day after you left Russia Sushi. No one is answering their phones. I think they were all nabbed.]

Tanaka Taro-san [Ah, he's waking up. Talk to you later.]

Kanra-chan [WAIT! Where are you?]

Tanaka Taro-san [No idea]

Tanaka Taro-san has logged off.

Kanra-chan has logged off.

Masaomi stirred awake, and then stretched. "C'mon, let's go loot a store for some food. I'm hungry."

When Mikado and Masaomi finally found some produce and munched on it while they walked, they kept looking around for the flying snakes. Usually, a six to twelve foot long cylindrical shape floating along with bright colors or drab coloring was easy to spot.

They never saw one. With the power outage, Masaomi swiped a cane for Mikado and they kept walking. Dogs and cats barked and scampered all over. Mikado would sometimes ask Masaomi to open the doors and animals would flood out of apartments, yowling for their masters.

Some dead animals lay at the side of the road. Finally, they entered a park, and Masaomi got Mikado to sit down.

"I'll fill up the water bottles and be right back. Try not to get snatched, okay?" Masaomi trotted off to the fountain. When water didn't arrive, he trotted across the road and helped himself to a smashed vending machine. Then he came back to find Orihara-san sitting next to Mikado.

From the way Mikado was leaning away, and looked sheer bloody terrified, Masaomi sprinted the remaining distance. Izaya-san was standing up, and then he bent over and lifted Mikado up, and swiftly carried him away. Furious, Masaomi dropped the bottles and sprinted after the man.

He was not losing Mikado to the sociopath after everything that had happened.

He chased Izaya all the way to Shinjuku, where he was winded and gasping for breath. Izaya-san didn't look much worse than a slight red in his cheeks from carrying Mikado. He sprinted up into his apartment, with Kida hot on his heels.

He slammed through the door to the bedroom right after Izaya- and no one was in the room. Masaomi grabbed his hair. There was no way he went from following Izaya and Mikado to missing the both of them.

Walking around, Masaomi searched the apartment. Finding no one there, he tried to leave. The door was locked.

Kicking the door and throwing his weight against it gave Masaomi bruises, but not success in earning freedom. Frustrated, he tried looking all over the place again.

A blood-curling scream came from above him. Running back into the bedroom, Masaomi ripped the bed apart, and searched the floor until he found it. A crack. A few tricks other Yellow Scarves had shown had the trapdoor opening. The stairs went down and then back up.

Rushing through, Masaomi forgot to bring a weapon. He stumbled into a dark room filled with candles around the edges. Mikado was on a platform, and he was crying. His leg wouldn't support him with the sprain.

Brushing Mikado's hair was Izaya. He was cooing something to Mikado while the blue-eyed boy choked and cried harder.

Then Izaya picked up a gun. Masaomi threw himself onto the platform and kicked. The gun went sailing into the corner of the room, and clattered down. Masaomi dragged Mikado away from the sociopath, and reached the entrance.

The trapdoor closed in his face.

"Masaomi, that was rude. You should have waited for your turn." Masaomi looked around, searching for another way out.

"As I told Mikado back at the park, I'm not human. Well, it's not that I'm fully alien, but I did help them find Earth and replenish their resources. Energy, I believe they were lacking. Everyone will be returned in a few more months, it's nothing to worry about. In fact, if I understood correctly, the energy the aliens are taking is a rather…pleasurable experience for the humans who provide it."

While he was talking, Izaya was moving. Masaomi gave up after a few blows to open the trapdoor again and instead, tore at Mikado's bonds. He hauled his best friend to his feet and struggled to get away from Izaya. Maybe he could beat him to death with a candle.

"So, I decided that it would be entertaining to find out what the aliens were like. I stole Mikado's phone and told them were the last of the humans were hiding. In return, they allowed me…you two."

"Shizuo (hic) san…" Mikado whimpered. Masaomi felt his stomach drop. If Izaya was in league with the aliens, and the aliens had stolen Shizuo-san….

Masaomi focused on the fact that a deranged information broker that had put a gun to his friends neck was coming near them with the same gun.

No way out, no way to beat a man who knew parkour. If he stepped away from Mikado, Izaya would have a clear shot after he tripped Masaomi and shoved him to the floor. Shoving Mikado behind him, Masaomi put his fists up.

Izaya was behind him. He never saw the man move, and he was next to-

The gun hissed, and Mikado crumpled to the floor. Masaomi screamed and swung at Izaya, who knocked him over, and then reloaded the gun. Masaomi was braced over Mikado, who he noticed was not moving, or bleeding.

Was the gun a tranquilizer? As the thought went through his head, Masaomi felt the cold barrel against his neck, and then a slight pinch, like a needle.

He pushed so that he wouldn't fall asleep on Mikado. Then the world went dark.

* * *

><p>"Oh, good, you're both awake. Like I said, I am working with the aliens. Did you know that sometimes, the people who lead the invasion demand a whole country as payment? But there was only the two of you that I wanted. Some very interesting people, out of all the humans in this world. After all, I love all humans, but I don't love them all equally. Oh, stop glaring, Masaomi. I don't love either of you romantically, and I'm not about to debase myself to violence. After all, you led me and the seekers, that's what the tentacles are, straight to the rest of the humans."<p>

Izaya smirked and walked around the platform. Was it Masaomi, or had the platform increased to encompass the entire room? The candles that had been set in a shallow counter like engraving and now they were at the edge of the platform.

He groaned and rolled over, trying to stand. A pained yelp from behind him caused Masaomi to lie back down. Mikado was tied to him and the platform, limiting his movement. If he moved too much, he could pull Mikado apart.

Mikado's arms were tied together at the wrists, and a length of rope attached him to Masaomi's right wrist. Mikado's legs were tied to a raised half circle in the platform. The creepy part was that Masaomi couldn't see any knots in the rope.

"So, because the aliens and myself aren't about to break underage laws, I'm not going to rape you. You're going to. After all, Mikado begged anything to save Shizu-chan."

"Oh, so you're just going to watch?"

"Actually, yes. You are my spoils of war, after all. I mean, I would keep the two of you as trophies and let you run around in your lives with just the chips in your necks as a reminder of what happened, but Mikado just wouldn't stop begging me to not hurt Shizu-chan."

"But if the aliens are abiding by the rules of mankind, they couldn't kill Shizuo-san to begin with."

"Oh, Mikado knows that. But since I provided the aliens with a lot of energy, there are other ways to torture Shizu-chan." The leer Izaya gave Masaomi reminded him that the man he was dealing with was not completely stable.

Damnit, in his gut he already knew that whatever Izaya demanded he would comply with. He couldn't let Mikado be hurt.

"So, let's move on, shall we?" Izaya watched in glee as Mikado awoke to Masaomi kissing him. The sex rapidly progressed, and after Mikado sank back onto the glossed surface, Izaya ordered, "Again."

And again. Another time. Now he specified. Then he just waved his hand. Again. Mikado was choking from exhaustion, raspy, and looked more bruised than pale.

Masaomi swore.

"You kiss him with that mouth?" Kida glared at Izaya. The furred jacket moved as Izaya shrugged. "I'm not one to commit base acts. I like seeing people react like I know they will. Actually, I thought you would have broken before now. Guess that means humans are wonderful creatures."

Izaya really did look delighted. Along with maniacal and sadistic, but he was also….Masaomi supposed the word he was looking for was satisfied. The cat had not only caught the canary, but eaten it too.

Masaomi gritted his teeth. Where were his cheesy pick up lines now? How did he protect Mikado, who was terrified underneath him?

Masaomi started to curl into himself. He had failed. He had tried so hard to help Mikado, to keep him safe, and now all he did was hurt him.

"It's…guh…okay, Masaomi. It's okay. It's okay." Mikado reached up with his bound arms and hugged Masaomi.

"Eh?" Mikado ignored Izaya.

"It's okay, Masaomi. You're doing your best. Everything will be fine. I love you." Masaomi felt his eyes widen. Mikado hadn't said 'I love you' using the 'aishiteru imasu' that was so rare to say.

Instead, Mikado said 'daisuki desu' meaning that he really liked Masaomi. In a big way.

"You always look out for me. Even now, you're doing your best. If you ever gave me anything less, I would be really disappointed, but I wouldn't hate you."

The world turned into the two of them. Just Mikado and Masaomi. Holding each other and falling asleep.

When they woke up, there was a sticky note attached to the back of the door.

_BRB_

_-Izaya_

"I wonder what he's up to. Probably settling things with Shizuo-san." Masaomi muttered. Mikado attempted to discreetly walk next to him, and nearly bit through his lip in pain. Masaomi scooped him up and carried him back to the platform.

"Stay still, I'll find something to heal that, or numb the pain- Here we go, he left a glass of water and two aspirins for you."

Masaomi handed over the drugs and the water. Mikado swallowed them and gingerly lay down, waiting for the pain killers to take effect.

"What do you think happens next? I mean, isn't it out of character for Izaya to sell the entire world of humans he loves to aliens?"

Masaomi shrugged. "Maybe it was his way of keeping a handle on the situation. He hinted that this would last for a few months. All I can think of are those poor animals at the shelters."

Mikado nodded. Then he gingerly reached out with his arms to hug Masaomi. "Do you think we made him mad?"

"I think we're going to pay for ignoring him. I mean, what do we really know about Izaya? He hates Shizuo-san, he likes mind games where he's right, and he doesn't really want to deal with his sisters. Also, he's the most asexual guy I've ever met, even given the way he dresses. Do you think it's because of the underage laws, or was it that he wasn't interested?"

Mikado reflected for a moment. "I actually fear the day Izaya comes to love one human being in an understanding romantic sense. That's a surer sign of the apocalypse than an alien invasion."

He didn't tell Masaomi that since he would turn eighteen on March twenty-first, and Masaomi would find out on June nineteenth if Izaya was mind fucking them, of actually fucking them.

Masaomi stared at Mikado.

"What?"

"You just made a joke. We've been hunted, injured, spooked, and well, you were raped, but you just made a joke. Shouldn't you be in trauma right now?"

Mikado shrugged, froze, hissed, and relaxed. "Okay, what I was trying to say is that one, you weren't malicious, two, rape is unwanted, and three, I really wanted to protect Shizuo-san. He's a nice person. Also, you tried to prepare me, but you didn't have lube or a condom and- Masaomi, are you okay?"

"Nooo. My precious Mikado, he's talking about lubes and condoms. I thought you were a virgin."

"I was. Quite rocking back and forth. Wait, do you prefer flavored condoms? Is that was this is about?"

"GAH! Lalalalalalala! I'm not listening! I can't hear darling Mikado talk about such vulgar things! They're not coming out of his clean and proper mouth."

"Although, given how we were tied up, riding you would have been easier."

"AAAAAAAH!"

Mikado curled up laughing over Masaomi's antics. Finally, Masaomi pouted at him for stringing him along. "Ahahaha, seriously Masaomi, it's high school. I was going to attend a Health lecture on safe sex someday. And, erm, yeah, you were my first. Completely."

Masaomi blinked.

"Will you marry me?"

The line just slipped out of his mouth. It wasn't exactly a pickup line, but Masaomi now had Mikado's attention.

"I mean-"

"Masaomi, marrying someone because the two of you are stuck to a sociopath isn't the most romantic thing you've done. However, I am not a romantic. I like casual signs of affections, spontaneous 'I saw this and thought of you' gifts. Anri-chan and Aoba-kun could tell you that. But I am most and foremost a practical person. So yeah, even if it's just a show, and only our friends would acknowledge us, I do want to marry you."

Mikado was blushing slightly at the end, slightly ruining his solemn expression. Masaomi nodded.

"Okay. We'll get married and have rings and a ceremony, and Anri-chan can by your maid of honor and I'll find someone to be my best man."

Masaomi curled up with Mikado, and they fell asleep.

* * *

><p>The next six months weren't exactly hell, but they were torturous. Izaya would not shut up about how cute the two of them were. He even designed their meal plan so they would remain in the best of health.<p>

For the most part, Masaomi and Mikado ignored him. But that wasn't working anymore. Izaya started bathing with them, and forbidding them to wash themselves or each other. After he cleaned them, he would bath by himself.

In the next three months, the aliens worked out how to return the humans without causing a riot, and got the humans back to their usual lives.

It was the last month before Japan was ready for civilians that Mikado broke. When Izaya was washing himself, the blue eyed boy made eye contact with Masaomi.

Then he stood up, and pushed Izaya's head under the water. When Izaya came up spluttering, Mikado calmly shampoo'd his hair and dunked him again. The hair was too short for conditioner, so Mikado just soaped him up and dunked him again.

Then he pushed Izaya to sit at the bathroom counter and be subjected to a hair dryer. When he was done, Izaya's hair looked nice, and the informant was oddly…quiet.

"I don't love you."

"You don't need love to care for someone. And who knows? Maybe you don't know yourself as well as you think. But my life is passing me by, and as much as you like it, you're now part of it."

Izaya nodded. "I calculated that you and Masaomi would shut me out."

"You aren't invited to the wedding."

"Ah. I see."

Masaomi came in with a change of clothes for Izaya. After helping him dress, Izaya walked out the door to finish the preparations for the world to start again.

It would be two months before Mikado and Masaomi are enrolled in Raira Academy again.

Three months before Anri-chan and Shizuo-san announce they are getting married.

Four months before Izaya impulsively leans down to kiss Mikado and Masaomi on the head before leaving for work.

Five months before a gang war nearly kills Mikado when he jumps to save Masaomi.

Six months before Mikado came out of a coma to find Masaomi and Izaya wanting to marry him in a non-legal wedding.

Seven months before Celty Sturluson comes back with Shinra Kishitani wanting to know if the three of them were exchanged for aliens.

Eight months before a fight about Izaya's job would split them.

Eight months and two weeks before Mikado tries to branch the divide between Masaomi and Izaya.

Nine months before Mikado falls off a suicide jump.

Ten months before Izaya and Masaomi realize he's missing.

Eleven months for them to reconcile their differences and still try to understand love.

Twelve months before Anri-chan receives a text making her the vice-president of the Dollars.

Thirteen months before Mikado makes his way home after recovering from the fall.

Fourteen months before Izaya decides that virginity is over rated, and losing his pride to his precious trophies is okay.

Fifteen months before Mikado and Masaomi beat a man to death for shooting at Izaya.

Two years until they're off probation for saving their older lover.

Two years later, Izaya takes them out of hiding because Celty has designed a new shadow to save them from projectiles, specifically the high-speed rifle kind.

Four years later, Izaya curls in bed on a lazy Sunday morning with his two lovers. He reaches over and holds them both. "You are my most prized possessions."

Three seconds for Masaomi and Mikado to reply, "We love you too."

A/N: Ugh...seventeen pages…and it didn't turn out the way I was expecting it too. Editing this was a nightmare. Well, it managed to come out mostly how I wanted it too. But in the end, Izaya was never supposed to 'fall in love' or ever understand what love is. He doesn't. Whether that's because he's a sociopath or just brain damage, I still slipped in some lovey-dovey at the end. Guess it was getting rather dark.

Okay, when rambling, that means I'm tired, which means edit and post-oh, what do you know, it is tomorrow.


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